On the Loss of a Car.

"Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car."
- E.B. White

“The car has become a secular sanctuary for the individual, his shrine to himself, his mobile Walden Pond.”
- Edward McDonagh

At approximately 1:35am on Monday, January 4th, 2010, my called stalled in the intersection of Garden and Chestnut. I was on my way to pick up the lovely Caitlin from the airporter, but I never made it there.

After madly turning on my flashers and trying in vain several times to get the car to start, I put it in neutral, got out, and started the very difficult job of pushing my car off of the road, a task made much more difficult by the fact that I was on a slight incline and the car wanted to roll backwards. I called Chris to get Caitlin, called the tow truck, said the word "fuck" an obscene amount of times, and then waited--first alone, then joined by drunk college students, and finally by Chris and Caitlin. Caitlin was amazing enough to stay until the tow arrived and to drive me home.

The potential for car trouble is one of those things that constantly causes me anxiety. I am always convinced that I am a second away from the engine dropping out underneath me or from something bursting into flames. I am assured by friends and by professionals that things like that rarely happen. Apparently other things can happen, though. For instance, on a random early Monday morning, the timing belt could break, likely completely destroying various other components of your engine. Of course, none of this is for certain; there is perhaps a 50% chance that the car is fine, that it has not caused damage in excess of the car's value. The tricky thing is, though, that I would have to pay well over $350 just to find out. It was a difficult decision, but as luck seems to be against me so far in 2010, I decided not to hand over the $350. I made the decision to sell the car to a salvage yard, to say goodbye and take the insultingly small amount of money they offered for the car. I rationalized that I probably would never feel at east driving the car again. Plus, I don't really need a car.

Despite the lack of need, I miss it already. It is incredible how much my worldview had been shaped by the fact that I had a car. There will be no more late night movies, no insane trips to the grocery store to buy the limes that I forgot to put on the shopping list. I wont feel comfortable asking people to go out because I wont want to ask for a ride. I cannot just drive to kill time. Everything changes.

At the conference Joy and I went to at Rice University, Sharon Marcus questioned whether cars are what books were in the 18th and 19th century. Both have been items of cultural capital, both have shown integration into society at the same time that they have provided a sense of autonomy, isolation, and individualism. Both can be thought of as escapes and mergings. It is an interesting question... one that points to the way that objects, that things are related to so many other issues.

It will likely be a while before I get another car, but I am trying to focus on the good things that will come of it. I will save money, be outside more, and I will get to experience the world at a different pace.